1) Must have at least one person making way too much money from what clearly should be a hobby. A guy making a living on toys, a woman that takes a barely viable seasonable industry and somehow turns it super-profitable by the end of the show.
2) Must have either a gay best friend or the actor playing the male lead is obviously gay.
3) Have someone get REALLY mad and break up for the relationship over either a miscommunication or a relatively minor lie (Oh no, I can not marry you because you did not tell me you are a Prince)
4) One of the two sides must have an impossibly cute child AND that child should never ever misbehave in any way shape or form.
5) Nobody will talk about how incredibly attractive both leads are – often while dismissing slightly less attractive people in a generally insulting manner while pretending that those less attractive people have horrible personalities.
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Hallmark has released more than 300 Christmas-themed TV movies since 2000, and a detailed internal rulebook obtained by film data analyst Stephen Follows explains how the company manages to produce nearly one new holiday film per week during the final quarter of each year without the whole operation collapsing into creative chaos.
The document, referred to as Hallmark’s “bible” by writers and producers who have worked on these films, specifies everything from script length (105-110 pages across a rigid nine-act structure) to prohibited activities (no bowling, no karaoke). Christmas movies must include snow or its remnants and feature characters engaged in seasonal activities like baking cookies, ice skating, and drinking hot chocolate.
The target demographic is women aged 25-54, and the content must be watchable by an 80-year-old grandmother and a 5-year-old niece simultaneously. The economics differ sharply from theatrical filmmaking. Licensed titles from outside production companies carry budgets around $500,000 or less, while Hallmark’s in-house productions can exceed $2 million. About three-quarters of the library comes from external producers. The formula appears to work. Hallmark TV movies have averaged a 6.3 IMDb user score over the past 14 years, compared to 5.9 for feature films worldwide.
Further reading: Using Data To Determine if ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas Movie.
